Herd Immunity
Instead of waking up with a raging boner like a decent male human being, I woke up in plain raging anger this morning. It happened because I made the mistake of reading about Boris “Bomm-Bomm” Johnson leaving St. Thomas Hospital in London and watching his speech after his Coronavirus treatment the night before that little morning scene. And while the Conservative’s plans for herd immunity against this particular virus were fortunately never put into action (but delayed early measures that could have been established), it is clear their campaign for herd immunity against common sense has perfectly worked out for them. Of course there they had a giant amount of help by Murdoch’s (not to be confused with the fun one from A-Team! He’s Murdock, not Murdoch!) media, an incompetent and/but polite opposition, as well as other factors unique to the UK, like this sense of enjoyment of communal suffering, mostly branded with the catchy term “blitz spirit”.
Some highlights of his speech, with a bit of context:
Bomm-Bomm thanked two nurses, that were on his case in particular, for their hard work “Jenny from New Zealand and Luis from Portugal.” I mean it is a great feat of whoever was managing the nurse rota on that ward, that they put two foreigners in charge of him, after he has been campaigning more or less subtly against foreigners for years, if not decades. His party’s government even established a tougher climate for migrant workers against the advice that the health sector might particularly suffer from such moves.
What a lovely bit of irony! Let alone that Dominic, the one of the Cummings variety, not the other one, must have been fuming that Bomm-Bomm didn’t pick two English nurses instead.
“Yeah, the good thing is, he might now change his views on immigration and foreign workers after such a deeply positive and life-saving experience with these staff! Don’t be so negative!” I hear you say. To which I’d like to reply: “Dude, I am sorry. I admit I am not one of those models that come with built in optimism. But I will already be delightfully happy, if he still remembers the two or what he said about them in, let´s say, three to four hours from now! And I think that would already be a lot for a man who cannot remember who paid for his last little erotic £15,000 holiday 4 months ago, nor HOW MANY CHILDREN HE HAS!”
In his speech he mentioned that “we are now making progress” against the virus “because the British public formed a human shield around this country’s greatest national asset, our National Health Service.” Not sure about that, if he is talking about the same human shield, largely consisting of voters, that so far prevented the Tories from selling off the NHS off to private, profit-driven companies (maybe registered in a lovely tax haven somewhere… foreign?) and dismantling it further than they already have done in the last decade? And now it’s all about protecting the NHS, it’s staff and so on? Hmmm, I have an idea who could have done that and do that, and this might be news to you, Bomm-Bomm: your flippin’ party and your government who’s actual had is ….oh… wait a minute!
Another beautiful comment: “That is why we will defeat this coronavirus and defeat it together. We will win, because our NHS is the beating heart of this country. It is the best of this country. It is unconquerable. It is powered by love.” Ok, that explains why when there was the last parliamentary vote about raising the wages of NHS staff you and your pals voted against it (and clapped), you think hospitals are powered by love… and clapping? That is a good one. I will try to pay my next insurance bill or groceries by powering through with love. While we are at it, why not switch to a clapping based economy altogether, shall we? I am all up for it. Clapping is one of the very few things that I am actually quite confident at. Not to mention that our 10 month old daughter also is perfecting her little technique. We would be so well off!
Additionally to the “Prime” Minister’s speech, some words of one of his girlfriends emerged. The current one, who is still under the impression that he might marry her, said: “The staff at St Thomas’ hospital have been incredible. I will never, ever be able to repay you [...]" To which I can only reply: “Yeah, current girlfriend! Good that you state that so clearly right now. With that wording, Bomm-Bomm and his motley crew of Conservatives cannot be pressured into doing something about better funding for the NHS. Even though your chubby boyfriend could actually repay them and improve their situation pretty much alone and right away! Maybe talk to him? No?
But imagine you had said “I will try everything to be able to repay you for all your help!” instead. Someone in the future could have pulled up that quote from you. What a slip of the tongue that would have been! ...and by the way, I do not want to know what narrow places your tongue might have slipped in before. Really!
Words by Heinz Boesch