Warming up to Iceland pt. IV
Eternal Beauty
There is no way of not speaking about Iceland’s majestic landscapes. They are naturally a topic in almost every conversation I have had since moving here. Be it with the local people I know or when I am talking to friends and family from abroad, and like everyone else I post a lot nature photos to social media, the sole purpose of that being of course to rub it in to anonymous stalkers or people who just follow me because I have a very, very, very attractive body (very!)
Yeah, those majestic landscapes: Like many, I am still in awe every time I drive into a bay or over a mountain and freakishly breathtaking new view presents itself.
If you ask me about my favourite area in the country, I have of course a clear numero uno! It is very much off the beaten tourist track and still a true, hidden, secret gem. You can’t find anything as easy on the eye anywhere else on this pretty planet. And it is not even that hard to get to. You just take route 49 from central Reykjavik and and keep going east, into the morning sun. After about 2 minutes, you come over the green, rolling hills by Háaleiti and then you can already begin to sense it. Take a left turn by the traffic lights at the foot of the hills and then turn right at the corner of the grand Pfaff building and you’re suddenly in the middle of eternal beauty: Skeifan!
Oh Skeifan! What a gorgeous, astonishing, masterful assembly of “things”. What to call it? A reservation for endangered business and commercial buildings? Anyhow, it is somewhat hard to believe that this merry mayhem of architectural and roadbuilding malpractice has not made it on the UNESCO world heritage list, nor has it been mentioned in art and song so far. WHY?
From the precious, pointless tiny roundabouts, to those sweet little spots where you don’t know, if you are still in a parking place or already on a street or maybe even on a sidewalk. Those religious moments when you drive, whistling a lovely tune and with a loud bang suddenly hit a jolly little hidden curbstone, whose placement would not make the least amount of sense in any other context. But here it makes you smile, feel warm about yourself and the world, and you go thinking to yourself “Oh sweet Skeifan, hihi, you got me again, you little you!”
Very high up on my list are also the magic locations around the 66 North outlet or around Rúmfatalagerinn, where you can choose between 8 different pointless lanes, about 60 parking spots and 2-7 strips of sidewalk within a radius of 3.85 meters! Where else on this planet?
I do not even want to mention that delicious little sausage drive-thru by Vínbúðin, creating beautiful hotdogs and also that little extra complication when you look for a parking spot. Just like the lonely 2 or 3 gas pumps right next to it. Nobody ever uses them. They are just there, living in the moment! right on the Vínbúð parking lot.
Of course there is no way writing about Skeifan without mentioning the olympic size potholes between Elko and Bonus. Like all true Skeifan enthusiasts, I prefer to go there when I see that it is about to start raining. You can then witness how the parking lot changes and forms one of the biggest freshwater lakes in Iceland in only a matter of minutes. If you wait a bit you will be able to observe rare animals from all around coming out between billboards and cars and from behind garbage containers. Natural enemies like stray cats, trash seagulls, and old ladies’ chihuahuas suddenly mingle peacefully alongside each other to enjoy these waterholes in unseen harmony. There is now even a rumor that the Government plans to reintroduce salmon and build a lovely wooden pier at the largest of these potholes, the magnificent “Lake Europecar Rentals” next to Bonus.
The region by KFC on the other hand is really something for fans of solving puzzles. You will know this, if you have ever tried to leave the KFC parking lot without going past the drive-thru window or breaking the traffic law, or both. Is it possible? We will never know!
You see, I have been to Skeifan many, many, many times, and yet I have this deep, deep, deep, really very deep feeling that there is still so much left for me to discover (the chess club where outside chain-smoking in biker jackets seems to be an important membership criterium, the creepy underground fitness studio or the creepy upstairs yoga joint above Elko. Then there are exotic sounding destinations like Cafe Milano or less exotic sounding ones like Amma Mús! Which translates to Grandma Mouse).
So I keep going back, drawn by the sheer sexual magnetism and brain-exploding power of this most stunning asphalt-accumulation on earth.
Skeifan is without a doubt the greatest of all UFC matches, but between cars and buildings. To me it is the Sistine Chapel of provisional pothole repairs and misplaced, clogged gutters. If God has given man concrete, corrugated steel, and city planning, then whoever invented Skeifan, combined those three to openly worship Satan and to sustain 80% of insurance industry jobs with a never-ending tsunami of minor parking lot accidents. Hallelujah!